While the darkness reigns in the barracks, weyrling pairs sleep… the thoughts of one keep him awake, tossing and turning…
I can’t sleep…
Thoughts not my own keep me awake, despite how tired I am. I cannot think to rest them from my own. I am trapped in them. It’s like standing in a noisy tavern without the desire to be there. I cannot leave this, no matter how hard I want too and the strangest thing occurs to me… I don‘t want to leave.
It is almost comforting to know that my own memories fade in the noise, that I don’t have to really think about them. It is in the past, so why dwell. He agrees. He tells me I am strong enough to ignore them, to burry them in a tomb and forget them until memories are but dust. Maybe he is right. Everything that I was, does it really matter now? I’m no longer on that path. I am no longer… Landers.
I’m … new…
Ers’lan…
Yes, that is my name. A great name…
He gave it to me… Out of something more than just a necessity.
Who is Ers’lan though… What is he like…
I find myself lying awake wondering who Ers’lan is, what dreams he has, what ambitions. Landers aspired to be a Captain of a ship, with the sea craft. He wanted to spend his lift hunting down pirates and becoming famous for it…but Ers’lan can not do that. He is drifting on a different course.
What does Ers’lan want…
For hours, this question bothers me. In the noise I cannot find the answer simply. What dreams can there be for a man who loved the sea and can never set foot on it again? Who ever heard of a dragon rider spending his time sailing a ship? Such things are in the past now.
The answer from Him is that I should want nothing more. He is the answer. He is… what I always wanted. I don’t need anyone else or anything else. I just have to listen to him, follow his guidance, accept him, and be part of him, let him become me. With him, I will not need to want. I will have.
Maybe he is right. What more do I need? I feel strangely at ease. The noise is soothing.
I can only scoff at what once was… Landers needed. Landers was soft and pathetic. Landers was too caught up with guilt and regret to realize what was in front of him. Landers is a wounded memory. Landers is gone. So is his pain and regret.
We don’t acknowledge pain. It makes us stronger if we conquer it. Landers was swamped with emotion. Ers’lan is not. He is simply risen from the wake of the depths in which Landers is lost for all time.
There is a sense of release. It is new. There is someone with me, whom I am bound to, that understands. He is all that I wanted. He is the essence of greatness. I will follow him to the ends of time. As Ers’lan. As a new man. A new soul. A new life.
I am Ers’lan.
I am…