Feels Like Goodbye

Xanadu Weyr - Hot Springs
The warmth that flows from this cavern is almost overwhelming for some, the steam rising from the shimmering pools as thick as the morning fog that rolls in off the ocean. Numerous pools are scattered here and there with ribboned walls that are natural in their construction. The water has a somewhat green cast to it, but it is merely a reflection from the ethereal light which is the glow down here that was so noticeable from the tunnel leading here. People can often be found down here washing themselves or just relaxing.

Situated along the walls are various racks covered in fresh towels ready for those who step out of the warm waters. A set of shelves have been installed towards the back wall, allowing people a place to put their belongings while they rest in the pools, and despite the white color that these have been painted, they are cast with that eerie green glow. Then, it's obvious. The ceiling of this cavern is covered in the fluorescent phosphorous matter that glows are made off. The mossy substance almost glitters and appears quite lovely.

A sloped tunnel leads back to the main caverns, a single branch carved out along it to detour down into the laundry room. It allows the passage of people, but even more importantly, it allows for metal pipes wrapped with insulation that run along the ceiling to carry heated water back and forth to where it's needed.

It has been a very long day. It has, in fact, been at least a-hundred days. An eternity. A lifetime. Shiloh is no longer Shiloh. That's how long a day it has been. Kovagath is settled, sleeping soundly, but still so very present in the now-weyrling's mind. He's eaten (both of them have eaten; Shy has eaten. Kova has eaten). And now Sh'y gets to enjoy his bath. Or at least, he gets to become clean. Settling in the water; letting it swirl around him. He could almost sleep, if he wasn't so very aware that his dragon is not here and so, this is not where he wants to be. Not really. He's here, but it's because he has to be. So he doesn't smell like blood and sweat and sand and gross.

For his part, Avi is exhausted. Full, finally, but exhausted and a bit slower to undress and slip into the baths. When he does, it is with a sigh, his head slipping under the water to soak his hair before he rises to push golden strands out of his face. "I feel like I am missing a limb," he admits as he reaches for the soapsand and works it into a rich lather between his palms.

Sh'y lofts an eyebrow, but just a hint. Dark eyes are drawn the way of the artist-now-weyrling but divert quick enough. At least the glow of the caverns is such that privacy is provided with little effort. A deeper breath, an almost sigh, and he nods. "I can feel him," he adds, lifting his hand to tap at his temple. "Even asleep, I can feel him here. So. It's not so bad." To be away. It's still not fun but. Not panic inducing. Even if panic may come should Kovagath rise before Shy is back. A beat or two of silence, and Shy watches Avi in the near-dark. "I don't know if congratulations is the right thing to say," he admits. "But… congratulations. She is beautiful, Avi."

"She is," Avi breathes as he ducks his head and goes about the business of scrubbing blood off his hands and arms. "She's… She's everything. I.." Words fail him for a moment, pale eyes wide with wonder as they sweep up to Shiloh's face. "Well, you know," he assures with a nod toward the beastcrafter. He has no doubt that it is the same for Sh'y as it for him. "She's perfect. More so because she's not perfect at all." She's goofy and sweet and clumsy and entirely heartfelt. "I feel bad, though.. I'm not even sure which of us impressed, beyond you and Kasle.. I think I saw Nyvex? And Lyubomir.."

"Avi…" There is so very much in that one word; that one name. Sh'y takes a breath, takes a pause, and shakes his head slowly. "I don't know," he admits, letting the subject slide back to weyrlings without ever actually diverting it aloud. IN HIS HEAD MAYBE, but not aloud. "I wasn't… paying attention." And he won't even blame himself for it. He is justified in his distraction, and he knows it. He reaches for the sand, a half-hearted attempt at ridding himself of the dried blood and egg-goo still stubbornly clinging to forearms and face (how did it get there? Who knows; things got wild). "She is. Perfect."

Avi draws in a shallow breath at the sound of his name. And while he is punch drunk on love for Mirieth, there is still enough of that emotion left in him to turn on Sh'y. "She is." Perfect. There has NEVER been a more perfect being and he cannot pretend otherwise. "Kovagath.. Kovagath choosing you was the last thing I remember before Mirieth was suddenly a part of me." At the time, he had been certain his world was ending, but she put it all back together the moment that he heard her name. Rinsing the suds and blood off his flesh, he lathers up more soap, diligently working it into his hair. He's watching Sh'y though, his gaze never once flicking from the former beastcrafter's face.

It will be Sh'y, then, that looks away first. It does not happen immediately, but it happens. Dark eyes drift away, drift down to the water and the suds rinsing from his arms; to the flakes of dried blood that come off with a little agitation and rinse clean. "He is everything." Kovagath. The thought brings a smile, so impossibly tender that it might be intimate to witness. "I didn't think…" That it would be like that? But Shy doesn't finish the sentence. He swallows tightly, clears his throat and rinses his arms clean before moving on to scrub at his face. "I'm glad she found you." After he left. Because that's what he did, didn't he? Walked away with a dragon at his side.

Avi is silent for a long moment in the wake of the words, his head tilting as he scrubs at his hair and continues to watch Sh'y. It is only after a few long moments that clears his throat and averts his gaze, a sigh spilling past his lips as he sinks beneath the water to rinse the soap out of his hair. When he surfaces, his hands moving to twist golden strands into a knot at the nape of his neck, he offers in quiet tones. "I am glad for us both," he admits. Yes, Sh'y walked away. Yes, it had hurt at the time. But he understands and there is nothing in him that holds anything against the beastcrafter or the dragon that claimed him. Still, there is another moments pause before offers. "We're fine." Mirieth is there, Kovagath is there, there is nothing about that that he would change.

Are they? That seems to be the question that Sh'y is trying to answer, even if he isn't asking it. He uses the excuse of washing his face to delay words, and then the submerging of his head beneath water to extend it. But when he emerges there are still no words. Just silence, and a study of the water instead of the weyrling near him. And then a breath, and a lift of his gaze that seeks out Avi's in the near-dark. "I don't know what to do," he admits. "I don't know what to say."

Avi wants to hug him. More than anything, Avi wants to hug him. "We take care of Mirieth and Kovagath," he answers in quietly firm tones. He knows that is not something that was ever in question, but it is the easiest way to answer that question. Even if it was not really a question at all. "You don't have to say anything," he promises. "I know what you are feeling, Sh'y. I feel it, myself. And I know.. We have to step back for a while." He might not like it, he might be a little afraid of what it will mean, but he also knows that it is the way things have to be for now. "Eventually…" But he can't finish that, not now. He does not want to think about the possibility of their relationship being over. "We can be here for each other, can't we?"

"Yeah." They have to step back for a while. It is a simple agreement, so why does Sh'y say it with such finality? This should not be a heartbreaking moment. It should not be one of grief and yet, that is the sentiment settling on Sh'y's face; etching itself into the lines that frown, and furrow and fail to communicate all that he might want to communicate in that moment. This should be a happy moment. They have found the missing piece; the other half. And perhaps it is only because Sh'y's is currently sleeping soundly in the barracks that he can feel something other than joy in this moment. "Eventually." It does not sound as certain as it should. Perhaps because of that sleeping dragon. Perhaps because making promises isn't so easy when Sh'y has another life to consider besides his own; when Sh'y is beholden to something, someone, other than himself. The final question has him hesitating again before answering, even if his, "Of course," does not come with any kind of question. "Avi…" A breath. A heartbeat. Another moment, and then he is moving forward and stealing a kiss that he shouldn't be claiming because of baby dragons. But maybe it's okay because they're asleep. And it's quick. It's so very quick; just a fleeting brush of lips against the artist's own before Shy is backing away once again. "I love you, Avi. I'll always love you."

It's hard to breath. So very hard to breath. And for a few moments, Avi can blame it on the steam in the room, on the exhaustion, on the fact that part of him is so far away, sleeping comfortably on her couch. When Sh'y moves his breath catches in his throat, the kiss, however brief, returned with a fevor that has the sleeping green shifting on her couch and 'accidentally' knocking over the empty basket for soiled linens next to it. That he can feel her move? Feel her react? It has him immediately whispering soothing words in his mind even as one hand reaches out toward the bluerider's retreating form. "Then don't say eventually like it will never come," he whispers in breathy tones. "I'm not going anywhere. I.." There is no doubt in him, none. "I'll be right here at the /moment/ that they are old enough to handle it. I love you." And again, it's a lot of emotion on top of a lot of emotion and the struggle not to cry is REAL.

If they continue on this path, there will be very upset, very awake, baby dragons to contend with. Kovagath has not stirred, but it is only a matter of time before the tumultuous emotions at war inside Sh'y have him twitching. "Okay," is breathed in tones meant to soothe; meant to soften the hurt he knows he caused, if just to keep those feelings under control. "It'll be fine." Is it a lie? If it is, Sh'y manages to say it very convincingly. "But right now…" Right now he might be dying a little, and trying very hard not to let it show. Trying very hard not to feel it because he knows Kovagath would feel it, too. And that would be bad. So he retreats. He briefly holds fast to the bond of the baby blue dragon and finds strength there to soothe the heartache that might otherwise come. "Right now, your priority is Mirieth. And mine is Kovagath. That's how it's gotta be." Another breath, deeper this time. Steadier. "Later, when they're ready…" Sh'y will just leave that open for Avi to fill in the blank.

Avi can feel the words that go unspoken and for a moment, just a moment, he is certain his heart is breaking. It is strong enough that tears prick at his eyes before he swallows the emotion and exhales a shakey breath. The thought that Sh'y might not be there when it is safe for them to be together? It slithers through his mind, a dark and horrible thing that he cannot allow himself to acknowledge. Not now, not with Mirieth having poured all of herself into him with complete trust. It is that that has him dipping his chin in a firm nod, his hands raising to scrub over his face as he forces himself to settle. He trusts Sh'y and he is not going to let himself forget that, not now, not ever. "We should get back to them."

"Yeah," agrees Sh'y. But he'll wait another moment or two, or three, before hauling himself out of the water and reaching for a towel. It's in the wake of repetitive, familiar motions that he can collect himself again; find a moment of balance and peace and something that resembles the life he had before. "I meant it, Avi. I mean it," he says more sternly; resolutely. "I love you, and I always will." But he is going to dress, and he is going to leave, and he is going to curl up against Kovagath and sleep. And then tomorrow, he'll try to figure out where he fits in this new life.

Add a New Comment
Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 License