Easy To Blame

Xanadu Weyr - Infirmary
The infirmary here is intended for human care. It is regularly scrubbed spotless and smells of disinfectant, redwort and other herbs that are - if sometimes strong - preferable to the scents of sickness. Cots are lined up against one wall, with a set of curtains that can be pulled to give some privacy to the occupants of the cots if they so desire. They're mostly used for examinations of patients and the treatment of mild injuries that won't require long term care; near the back are some more private areas with folding dividers.
There's a number of cabinets that stand off against another wall, instruments and medications stored against when they will be needed, and a back room holds those supplies seldom required.
A desk with chair is set just off of the doorway to the caverns, meant for the healer to sit and catch up on record keeping after a long day's work or await patients. If things get too busy, the patients can do the waiting on a set of uncomfortable chairs set nearby. The other doorway comes directly from the clearing, wide enough for a team to carry a stretcher through.

For once, the invalid is where the healers think he should be. Okay, so he's not so much there as to actually be at the infirmary seeing them, but he is in bed. Resting, even! By which we mean he's not exactly asleep anymore, but he has not yet progressed to the point of awake where he has the motivation to actually get up out of bed and stare at something other than the ceiling. Or maybe just a different ceiling. Or maybe - and this is moderately compelling - he could see if there's some sort of book available on the nightstand. Or MAYBE all of these plans will get flung out the window at LIMITED NOTICE because of things exploding. BOOM.

RISALI IS UNSTOPPABLE, D'LEI. SHE IS A PORCHE WITH NO BRAKES. She wins every single day — and today she is winning the award for Worst Weyrwoman. That's how it feels anyway, emotions exacerbated by confrontations with a certain Junior Weyrwoman and compacted by work and meetings and forcing herself to be strong in the face of adversity she probably created when she'd really just rather scream at it. The old Risali would have probably done just that, but this Risali… Well, she's changed, hasn't she? Now she just screams about it. Internally. Where nobody can hear her. And she's still growing, confronting those self-doubts that become ugly, incriminating non-truths adopted by cruel whispers that play them back. On repeat. So perhaps that's why Risali is coming into the infirmary angry and hurt but mostly angry and quiet about it. The biggest tell with any noise is her gait, feet coming down a little too hard, pace a little too brisk. It's there in her face too, in the draw of brows and the set of her lips, and the way her fingers tremble when she moves to D'lei's bed and doesn't wait for an invitation. She rounds to his good side, and pulls off her boots, and climbs in right beside him. One leg gets thrown over his hips, one arm starts across his ribs and ends with her hand crossing to his hips so as to avoid painful things. And she doesn't say anything. She just… buries her face in his side and lays there. FIGHT HER.

ANGRY STEPS. CRUSH THAT GROUND. MAKE IT SUFFER… even if it's the feet themselves that will actually suffer from that. And isn't that just a metaphor for a whole bunch of shit? D'lei's attention is drawn by those steps, his arm pausing and forgetting about reaching anywhere. His expression is curious - the arch of brows, the neutral mouth because what are those steps… and when he sees Risali's face, it shifts into concern, corners of mouth and brows both lowering into frown and questions that… he doesn't ask, not unless that upward shift of his arm counts - but it's not really a question, nor an invitation either; more just the start of the motion that - as Risali tucks in against him - brings his own arm in around her, squeezing her body in against that good side of his with a tightness. FIGHT HIS SQUISH.

EFF THIS PIECE OF GROUND IN PARTICULAR. Risali sees D'lei's expression, meets it with her own gaze, knows there are questions there… and maybe somewhere in the press of bodies and the intensity with which her eyes hold his, there's an answer. But it's not forthcoming - not yet. It's just silence, Risali holding tight to D'lei for a long time, soaking up his heat, absorbing his presence, taking advantage of those things that don't require words because sometimes just being there is the best kind of support. But eventually Risali draws back, lifts her head to wipe away wet because she absolutely has been crying on him, and when she tilts her head to speak to D'lei, she starts it with a press of lips to his jaw - a lingering contact, a thank you maybe. "What did the healers say?" It comes a little thick with emotion, a little less strong than what she might usually use, but she's still pretty clear. And this is safe; she doesn't have to acknowledge and sort through her own emotions just yet. BUT NO FIGHT. RISA LIKES THEM SQUISHES. SHE LIKES THEM SO GOOD.

Nope. NO WORDS. For some moments in life, there just… aren't any. But there's D'lei, here and stable (as long as you don't poke that injury), and quite capable of applying squish, in a way that's firm and close and modulates enough for things like breathing to keep happening, because that's important. Even when it's ragged in that way that goes with that wet against shoulder and eyes, breathing is still important. And they're both still doing it! Amber eyes meet to grey as they lift, his lips doing a wry tug at the question instead of an answer - and then remaining there, because oh yeah, that question. "That I'm lucky." D'lei tilts his head in, brushes his lips to Risali's cheek, then goes on. "They want to leave the stitches in another week, but they think the skin's sealed." DESPITE ALL OVERWORK AND ABUSE TO THE CONTRARY.

Breathing is important - both in that it keeps you alive but also in that it can definitely help to calm you down. Risali focuses on it now as much as she focuses on D'lei's words, lingers on them for just a moment before she smiles and breathes out, "That's good." And maybe she doesn't want to take away from that small victory because… she lowers her head back down, and holds a little tighter, and tells herself to breathe. And there's a lapse again into that quiet, as if today Risali is having exceptional difficulties sorting through thoughts to find words or maybe she just doesn't trust herself to speak yet. But she has to, eventually, and she does. She sits up, and swipes at her eyes with a hint of annoyance in the gesture because STOP BEING RIDICULOUS EYES before she looks down at D'lei. Grey eyes stormy with emotion take in his face, settle on his chin, and finally Risali breathes out, "I think that Bethari is going to break up with Kyzen." NO EYES. NO MOUTH. Her lips do tremble, though she bites down hard on her bottom lip to try and school it. And just as she thinks she's got it under control, there's a broken, "And I think it's my fault." BUT A SNIFF, and Risali presses the heels of her palms to her eyes and gives a shaky, "I'm sorry." Because her voice keeps breaking and her FACE KEEPS BETRAYING HER and she wants so very much for that to not be the case.

D'lei nods, though he's not all in celebration mode yet. Not with all that concern still lurking! And hiding in against him again, along with Risali's face. D'lei waits, again, his arm still around her - though this time, his hand is in motion, a gentle stroke between her shoulders at unhurried pace. It's not like he has anywhere to be! …or like he wouldn't be here, even if he did. But eventually, Risali rises again, and this time… after settling on the chin that at least doesn't show concern as actively as the rest of face and eyes… there's not as much good news. D'lei's head tilts to the side slightly, as curiosity gains ground in his emotions, and then there's a frown - and then his hand lifts, brushing the back of his fingers to her cheek as she attempts to crush all tears out of her eyes. "Why would it be your fault?" The tone is soft, gentle - not a leading question, nor a strident denial. Just… a question, because that's the thing that he doesn't understand, and so he asks.

There comes a one-shouldered shrug - one almost helpless because despite words and accusations, Risali doesn't quite get it. She lifts her hand with the gesture, as if manifest how very empty her ability to reason the why is. "Because I told Kyzen not to tell her that I was pregnant with Zyriden." Like she asked of D'lei - not to be cruel, but in an attempt to do the right thing that went spectacularly wrong. "She said that I lied to her, and that he lied to her." Risali drops her other hand from her eyes so that she can open them and look back to D'lei. "At least…" Brows knitting in. "I don't know, D'lei." And softer now, a whisper. "She seemed to be angry about a lot of things, but more angry that I…" That she didn't what? And see, there's more confusion. "That I didn't… put my needs before her own." It just doesn't make sense to Risali, and there's a huff of breathy laughter that doesn't really harbor any humor. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to make of that, Dash, or how it's fair to Kyzen."

D'lei listens, his presence warm and solid as he… tries to make sense of a second-hand story - that's about, in part, second-hand stories. It keeps his expression one more neutral than not - thoughtful, more than active… though his arm is sure to keep that closeness, to assert active presence on Risali's side even as he seeks to understand… well, both. Or all however-many of them. "…mmh," he says, then gives his head a little shake. "Bethari isn't fair," he says - though there's no judgment in his tone. "She doesn't have one set of rules for people. She's got one for her, and one for everyone else." The corner of his mouth shifts, in a motion that starts out like it might try for wry smile… but just ends up in a frown. "Her telling me not to tell Kyzen something he'd want to know is okay. You telling Kyzen not to tell something to her… isn't." That frown deepens, a shift of one corner of his mouth in and down. "She doesn't think much of herself."

Risali listens, almost hyper-attentive to D'lei's words, watching his mouth as it works and focusing on that movement, on what comes next. But her response is abrupt, enough to startle even her when D'lei concludes that Bethari doesn't think much of herself - it's a laugh, sharp, and bitter, and sudden. There's no humor in it, nothing to gentle unspoken implications even as she swallows down air and parts with an almost vicious conviction. "I'd say it's me she doesn't think much of." That edge of anger lingers, pulls Risali's lips into a straighter line as she bites down hard to keep herself from going further, as she reaches out to catch one of D'lei's hands between both of hers and squeeze. Because this is safer. "I'm angry," comes breathy, an explanation for her tears and, perhaps, her dismissal of Bethari's own demons. And then, softer: "Do you have to stay?" In the infirmary, she means.

D'lei's mouth tugs in at the corner for that laugh, a wry grimace to answer the dismissive outburst. He doesn't reply, but his fingers curl around the edge of hers as she takes his hand, squeezing there as she does. "It's okay," he says to her anger, and smiles, just for a moment, before the expression dims beneath concern once more. "Not really," he says to that question. "They were getting more medicine. They can just send it over." So, yeah, he had a reason to wait here, but… OVERRULED, and with no particular troubling of anyone to be concerned about.

"No," comes quick. "No, you should stay." Not because she doesn't want him with her, but because she isn't willing to place her emotional needs before any of his needs. Ever. PERIOD. FIGHT HER. "I can wait." And so Risali shifts again, back onto her side, tucking in against D'lei with a kiss pressed against his shoulder, but she's quiet for a long time. She gives up his hand to draw patterns and trace words against his stomach, down his side, on the inside of his palm where she pauses with the tip of her fingertip pressed into skin and poised to continue. "I'm sorry, D'lei." Because the anger is bleeding out of her, because she's letting go of the only way she knows how to be strong in order to be… better. "I'll tell you what she said, I just…" A pause. "Need a little time to stop hating myself." And here she curls her hand into a fist, to bring it down gently on his side to show she's half joking anyway. "And I'm less worried about her opinions of me. I'm angry," and maybe a little hurt (though that's secondary), "but I'm more worried about how… what this is going to do to Kyzen. I don't want to take away from him." One, two, and a huff of self-deprecating laughter that ends on a whisper of, "And it's not like she's the first person to let me know what she thinks of me." As a person and a leader. TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. She probably won't be the last, either. "It just gets exhausting, hearing how unfit I am to lead Xanadu Weyr over and over again." And here comes the self-doubt after a very long pause. "Do you think I should step down, Dash?" Because hey. Maybe Bethari is better suited to that big, shiny knot of responsibility than she is. "Don't answer that." BECAUSE SHE'S NOT A QUITTER, even if those doubts creep in with every intention to stay.

D'lei quirks in the corner of his mouth at Risali's denial, but he tilts his head down to kiss the top of her head as she tucks in against him once more, settling back with his arm around and hand slowly petting down along her back as she lies there, as her own fingers make the restless wander that her feet can't. "If you hate yourself," he says, and punctuates it with another kiss to the top of her head, "then we're going to have a very awkward threesome later." The tone is conversational, at least half-joking itself. "I've never really been into hatesex." He splays his fingers out, spreading them up in a cage to capture her hand in a squeeze. "You are not the worst weyrwoman Pern has known." FAINT PRAISE, D'LEI. FAINT. PRAISE. But it's said with certainty, as if that much - at least - would be obvious to anyone. EVEN MAYBE-SELF-HATING RISALIS. "You're just easy to blame." Another kiss to the top of her head, as if that makes it any better. "Kyzen…" D'lei trails off, and then he shakes his head. "Risali." His hand moves, releasing hers to touch against her cheek with a soft brush of fingers even as his voice firms. "You can't make Kyzen have a relationship with Bethari. You can't stop him from it, either. If she thinks you're between them, she's wrong. It's his fight, and it was his choice. He could have told you no. He could have told her, no matter what he said to you."

SO THEY ARE IN THE INFIRMARY, D'lei is waiting for medication and Risali has just arrived from a day and some heightened emotions to INVADE THAT COT, and CRY ON HIM, and PRETEND TO BE STRONG. So far she has managed the invasion and the crying and that's why she's curled up on his not-injured side now, with eyes that are puffy and in dire need of a cold compress to maybe make them a little less angry. And okay. Risali laughs, even if it's short-lived and breathy and maybe just a little tangled up in the shaky uncertainty of emotions. "Promises, promises, D'lei." But she does laugh, lifting her head just enough to find amber eyes with grey and scrunch her nose in humor. "And here I was, thinking the entire basis of our sex life was 'hate.'" Risali drops her head back to D'lei's chest, so that she can raise her hand and start ticking off the things she 'hates' on her fingers. "Hating to look without touching, hating the goosebumps I get when one of you idiots touches me, hating the way you make it seem so easy for me to forget my name." LOTS OF HATESEX. And dry humor, of course, because that's all not so inaccurate but certainly twisted into the opposite of reality. Still… Risali listens, quietly, and maybe squeezes back for very faint compliments that come. But she doesn't say anything. Maybe because there are other voices saying more than enough. She does turn her mouth into fingers at her cheeks, pressing gentle kisses against the underside of knuckles. "I know," she whispers, that edge of hurt back in her tone. "I just don't want to see him get hurt. He deserves better."

And all while they've been in the Infirmary, K'vir's been… somewhere. Not far, but not there, as is often the case most days. He's always been very serious about his training (to a fault) and his duties (you have his father to thank for that), so it's not hard to assume that if he's not training or partaking in drills, he's off somewhere with Zekath, doing what they do. Only now that is done and now K'vir is on the hunt for two of his favourite people. He's accustomed to having to hunt them down or has his methods and while he's ticked off the usual list… he was not expecting the infirmary to be The Place. It may explain the faint look of concern knitting his brow when he DOES finally show up and, bless him, it doesn't deepen (visibly, anyways, you can safely bet INWARDLY he's WORRIED) when he spots them — and Risali's telling eyes. "Hey," SPEAK OF THE DEVIL! Luckily, he hasn't caught on to the conversation or there'd be INSTANT awkward going on. Still, he's glancing between them both, a small crooked smile following. "Everything ok or is there more bad news?" Bless him, he thinks it's something concerning D'lei's healing injury!

SO HATEABLE. D'lei grins, with a hmmmm and then a nod to that list before his grin widens and he adds his own. "Hate to see you leave… but love to watch you come." BUT ANYWAY. It's not all innuendo and humor, after all, and there are more serious thoughts - and more painful ones - to be had here. Smiles fade away, and D'lei nods. "I know you don't." The words are soft, and then he's quiet for a moment as he tries to gather more of them - but before he can do that. "Hey." D'lei's gaze lifts to K'vir, one corner of his mouth shifting with an inward tug. "Yes," he says, wry half-smile to answer the other bronzerider's as he goes halfsies on the question. "The healers are happy with me… or as happy as they ever are, anyhow." It's like they get tired of patients who run off and ignore instructions!

Yep, there's that hint of mischief for innuendos and… a nip to fingers that is perhaps a little more suggestive than need be. "Careful, bronzerider. We already established that I like to make a spectacle of myself in public today." And for as self-deprecating as that is, Risali issues it with genuine humor. SHE WILL GET IN THIS BED (she already is but shut up) AND HORRIFY THE HEALERS OKAY. DON'T TRY HER. But there's no follow through, because they are in the infirmary and Risali has manners sometimes. Also because there are more important things to discuss and they are in the process of doing that when… K'vir! K'vir gets a weak smile from Risali - not dismissive in the least, but certainly distracted. Oh, K'vir. That innocuous question has the goldrider looking away, fixating on a wall while she worries her bottom lip with her teeth and allows D'lei to answer that question so flawlessly. See, there's still an instant awkward for Risali as she works through her emotions and… finds a place to tuck them away, manages to push herself up and pull herself away from D'lei with a warmer smile this time - with some of that strength she always has tucked away in her back pocket. Around she walks to K'vir, arms coming around the younger bronzerider's hip as she goes up on her tippy toes to press a kiss to his shoulder. "D'lei is talking about threesomes and I'm going to do something incredibly inadvisable if you don't stop him." Which means she's… leaving? Well yes, but for just a moment. "So I'm going to go get water to pour over him - or both of you - just in case this little space of healing gets any more dangerous and hot." Yep. SHE WILL BE RIGHT BACK BOYS, DON'T WORRY. She's just gonna collect herself under the guise of collecting herself.

"So, just a regular day, then?" Cue K'vir's instant dry sarcasm to Risali filling him in on the apparent discussion of threesomes, once he's no longer distracted by her approach and the kiss to his shoulder. There is no hesitation in the affectionate way he greets her, enough said through the return embrace that follows and the brush of his lips to the top of her head. He is still terrible with words, but can at least convey (sometimes) some sense through gesture. While his hold on her may linger, as does his gaze, it's merely a silent 'I'm here' and nothing more; no pressure to talk, no guilt. "Can't say I'm not tempted. When's the last time Xanadu had a good scandal? I mean, it's worst off for you guys," YOU RANK HOLDERS, YOU. K'vir grins briefly, "Not so much for me." Risa is making her escape then and K'vir nods, allowing her to go without protest though his gaze will follow her out. One beat of silence, two… and then his gaze is turning to D'lei, expression sobered as he comes around to sit on the edge of the cot. Not so cuddly, but that may still be on the plate… eventually. "… as glad as I am to hear you're fine — she's not, is she?" The last half is almost muttered under his breath, kept privately for just the two of them. He'll allow some of that concern to show, but it's clear enough that he's oblivious to the root cause. "Is something stressing her out?" HAVE ALL THE AWKWARD D'LEI! He thinks it's a Weyrwoman thing (and hey, he's not that far off the mark?).

D'lei smiles crookedly for Risali's explanation, because technically, yes, but also not really, and for K'vir's reply. "Nah. On a regular day, we're not in the infirmary." Close, though! But then Risali flees - at least for the moment - and D'lei's smile disappears with her. He shifts himself, moving to sit up - which is a more awkward thing than it usually is, since he doesn't exactly want to put as much weight through one shoulder as he might otherwise, but… at least he's gotten some practice in, and so he manages to make it up to sitting on the edge of that cot just about when K'vir does the same. Double sitting powers! The corner of his mouth quirks at Kyzen's powers of observation, and D'lei gives a short nod before his head tilts back a little, eyes tracking up the opposite wall before he turns to look at K'vir once more. There's a moment, a beat of silence, and then, "Bethari isn't happy." So, more like a someone, and D'lei grimaces faintly as he continues. "With her… or with you."

Listen, that comment about the last time Xanadu had a scandal has Risali turning, walking backwards as she arcs both of her arms up in a flex and points at herself. "When they let me take over! And every day since!" Self-deprecation has always been her jam, so it's certainly not terribly suspicious humor. But she's gone after that, to hunt down water or… maybe to gather up her strength so that she's less liable to step on landmines when she does end up venturing back. But not yet she doesn't. She's still doing that thing that Risali do, and totally not interrupting awkwards just yet. SHE ISN'T READY YOU GUYS. But she will be, very soon.

Were it any other time, K'vir would have COMMENTS for that parting jab from Risali. Comments and further joking to lighten the more serious fluff woven through. Instead he can only scoff, biting back the (conflicted) amusement there before his attention turns back to D'lei. "I didn't think location mattered much," he quips in dryly again, smirking and also biting back any protest for him sitting up so. Leave it to him to cut right to it, though leave out much of the details… which in K'vir's case is a GOOD thing a majority of the time. Less for him to get muddled and it's not because he's simple minded. It's just those tricky emotions again and his flaw of hanging up on the WRONG parts and failing to see the rest until rational mind kicks in (and often not fast enough). He's improving and has matured considerably, but flaws are flaws and not so easily fixed. He blinks, clearly NOT expecting that as an answer and his gaze drops to his hands, which are suddenly fidgeting against each other. "I — huh…" Nope. Sorry, words no want to translate and K'vir's scowl is more out of personal frustration AT HIMSELF than D'lei's blunt revelation. "Damn it." Sighed heavily and with implied worse cursing going on in that stubborn head of his. "… dunno what I've done but I'll fix it." Gruffly half-promised, only because he isn't certain he CAN on something he isn't sure about yet — or is only grasping at a vague idea, which is still not enough. When his gaze lifts, it's to look to where Risa disappeared too, before turning sidelong to D'lei, as if expecting further elaboration… but not pressuring either.

Yeah, that's a decent start to a summary! D'lei half-smiles, half-grimaces at K'vir's reply. "I don't know the details," he says - because, yeah, he definitely saw that look and its implicit request. "I don't know Bethari very well, either." A wry almost-smile. "But I know what Risa wants." He reaches over, putting his hand over one of K'vir's with a slight splay of fingers as amber gaze is intent on blue. "She wants you to be happy." Earnesty, and then a deepening of tone in the words that follow, a trace of growl - though not directed at K'vir. "And she would put herself in this infirmary if she thought it would make you happy… and Bethari is halfway to convincing her she should."

SUP Y'ALL. RISA IS STILL NOT HERE. She's over there, probably where there's a suspiciously loud noise and then a rush of words that are probably an apology. Or an insult? It's hard to tell with Risali. But it goes quiet again, and there is still no goldrider yet. Just the boys, having mantalk and manversations at each other. PLEASE DO CONTINUE.

K'vir laces his fingers through D'lei's when they rest overtop of his and without a second thought. There's a flicker of disappointment crossing his features and while his mouth sets to a thin line, he doesn't push. The desire is definitely there but now isn't the time — if there ever would be. Shoulders slump a bit, when he's reminded of what Risa would desire most and he can only give D'lei a helpless look. "She doesn't have to worry on that," he mutters almost under his breath. It's the age-old argument, where he still remains at a loss on how to reassure her that he IS HAPPY, but can be permitted to be otherwise when things go south. He's not expecting her to shoulder his burdens for him and wouldn't want her to. He scowls again, deeper this time, for what is all but growled to him. "I'll speak with Bethari, when I visit her next." It's been awhile, but that was out of K'vir being respectful to Bethari having a new partner and despite what everyone seems to be assuming (without his awareness, poor sweet oblivious cinnamon roll). "… and it won't come to that. I won't allow it." Despite the firm edge to his voice, even he's aware it could still happen that Risa does put herself in the Infirmary regardless. Still, it's all K'vir can articulate, if not wholly correct and before he can go rambling off into the incoherent mess of a reflection of his inner thoughts, he turns to D'lei. Leaning forwards, he'll seek a kiss and a brief moment to rest his forehead to his — just long enough to mutter a low spoken, "Thank you." Then he's straightening and if Risali happens to return by then, he's going to play a very, very good game of 'I know nothing' and give off just the right amount of 'happy' not to be suspicious. Which isn't hard because he ISN'T LYING; he's happy GDI, even if the back of his mind is troubled. At some point, he'll excuse himself with great reluctance but with promises to both (and likely filled with teasing innuendo) about preparing something back home for the three of them. It's probably just dinner but damn if Th'ero's son hasn't learned to be a pretty damn good cook (it's because he hides in the kitchen half the time, srsly).

"Doesn't have to jump off cliffs, either," is D'lei's reply and what Risali DOES AND DOES NOT have to do. Which is to say, she may not need to, buuuut…. she does. It's with a wry and fond smile, though, because…. yeah, he gets it. Relationships: they can be hard. AND NOT JUST LIKE THAT. "Just… talk to her. Bethari, I mean." A crooked smile. "And Risa too, but… there's something that needs working out." Does he know exactly what it is? NOPE, and he's not prying enough to find out. But he can still point to that nebulous Something, Something Is Not Right… just like he can kiss K'vir, the warmth of lips pressed together in transition from the difficult words they've both spoken. He answers those thanks with a squeeze of his hand, and when Risali returns… well, he's on the quieter side, but not so much so that it can't just pass as fatigue from that injury. And he's certainly not so quiet that he can't make a tease back about wet and wild surprises… by which he probably means a fresh-squeezed juice mix that's in the cold box, but hey. Innuendo yields to no facts! And Kyzen has, in fact, become as skilled with the kitchen-knife as the sword… a fact which is definitely appreciated and enjoyed. Along with the, uh… more innuendo-laden kind… of sword-fighting. Which may also be on the agenda! Just as soon as that healer finally shows up with supplies and D'lei can break out of this joint.

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