Thoughts in the Dark (vig)

The longer she was there the more of a mistake she felt like she'd made ant the more she wanted to both stay and run. She knew it was only a matter of time before her father sent for her, before he found out why she'd really stayed. And then there was a hand on her shoulder…

May I walk with you?
No. She didn't want him to see her like this. Vulnerable.
No. She wanted him to go. She wanted to be alone.
No. She wanted to walk into the waves at their feet…
Yes. She'd said yes to the comfort and reassurance in that touch.

What's on your mind?
What was on her mind was how those eggs on the sands dredged up all the things she'd rather forget. How unwanted and worthless Aleigha made her feel. How those words echoed in her head.
What was on her mind was how Leirith, the one they all warned her about, had picked her out. Badass. What did that even mean?
What was on her mind was how furious her father was going to be. How she longed for a letter or a visit so many of the others received and how she dreaded it's coming.
What wasn't on her mind?

She'd tried to find the right words to explain it all, but couldn't.

He'd offered an escape in that word and she took it. That wasn't it, she missed the ocean, its breezes, the way it could lull her to sleep at night.

What do you like?
What did that even mean? She knew what it meant, but what did it mean? No one had asked her that before. It was always what they liked, what they wanted, what they needed. She stalled. What did she like? And when she thought about it the words fell from her lips in a jumble she was sure he didn't really want to hear, yet he'd listened. He didn't laugh or roll his eyes or pat her on the head and tell her how cute she was.

One look at you…
… everyone can always use another friend.

He told her she was pretty, attractive even. Not in those words, but there wasn't any other way to interpret it. And then offered friends. Who does that?


She wanted him to take it back, and yet she'd accepted that offer. He made her laugh, made her feel like she wasn't alone, and she didn't want to loose that…. That certainty he seemd to have in her. She didn't want to mess it up. Whatever it was. But he was so… frustrating.

She didn't hesitate like this. Holdbred, weyrbred it didn't matter because it was a day maybe a sevenday tops and then they'd go their separate ways. It didn't matter because she didn't fit neatly into one of those boxes. It was only a matter of time before it happened here too.

She kept waiting to wake up. To hear Aleigha screeching her name. For it all to be a terribly wonderful dream.

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