Of Journeymen and Journeys

Xanadu Weyr - Forest's Edge


While the forest is thick for a long while, in time it begins to thin, as the ground becomes rockier to the south western stretches of the Weyr's land. The trees are further apart, and the rocks become larger, before rocky outcroppings seem to be more prevalent than the trees around them. As the hills begin to gain in height, the shruberry upon them become more stunted.

What's this, though! It seems with all the recent earthshakes from the south, the ground has begun to realign itself, and one hillside has shifted, revealing an opening into a small cave. At least, that's what it appears, as the whole is just large enough for an average sized man to sneak through.

A series of 'dens' sit into the rocky outcroppings, showing signs of the whers who make their home within them.

This evening finds Jansk outside, as the sun slowly sets (already past the treeline), practicing again, on the obstacle course. Currently, however, Janelle is not yet visible.

Hysk emerges long before Hyrlon and, spotting Jansk, gives a happy chirrup and trundles towards her « play? play? » His handler is several minutes behind him, still stretching as he stumbles out of his den.

Jansk perks at her friend's query, having just hopped through the hoops. She chitters happily, loping as best she can, with her short little legs, towards Hysk, nearly ready to pounce. Still, there is no sign of Janelle.. But, surely, if Jansk is here, then her handler is nearby somewhere.. Right?

Hysk squats down, lumpy, stubby tail wagging in the air. He jumps to pounce just as she does, meeting mid-air. Hyrlon has noticed Janelle's… missingness… keeping a weather eye on the frolicking whers, he moves towards Janelle's den and pulls back the 'door' just a tad, calling softly, "Janelle? You awake yet?"

From within, Janelle hollers, "Oh, Hyr.. Just a minute!" Jansk chitters, rolling to the ground with Hysk, chittering happily as they play. When the apprentice finally comes out, she's got a tray with now two mughs of steaming cider, and ap late of little snacking foods- bread, cheese, redfruit slices, and such. "I thought you and Hysk might be up soon.."

Hysk rolls along with Jansk, chirping and chittering happily as they roll about on the ground. The pleasant smells that precede Janelle's emergence make Hyrlon smile happily, "Janelle… I think I might have to love you if you keep reading my mind like this."

Janelle grins a bit, kicking her way past the 'door', into the clearing. "Come sit. Hope you like what I got.. made an early trip to the weyr to collect a few things, then brought it back to prepare. I think Jansk knew that Hysk was waking.." hence how she had warning, to prepare the spread.

Hyrlon grins, helping her with the 'door', then following her to wherever she wants to sit, "You've been busy this morning… it looks wonderful."

Janelle shrugs a little, "Couldn't sleep." She looks quite wide awake, despite it, though. "I met the weyrwoman and weyrleader the other day, by chance, in the caverns.. They asked how the whers were doing integrating with working with other people.. And sid we should be practicing getting them comfortable with their transport carriers. I think they've something planned for them."

Hyrlon slides to a sitting position, grabbing one of the cups of cider with a light smile, "Get them used to their carriers, huh? I think Hysk's pretty used to his at this point, going back and forth to the hall to help excavate Kanta and her team… still… I wish people'd just /tell/ us what they want to do with our lovely friends…"

Janelle settles in beside Hyrlon, the whers still happily playing. She takes up some of the cheese and a slice of redfruit, placing one on the other and taking a bite. When he rmouth is clear of food, she adds, "Really. I just happen to go in in the middle of a conversation.. And they saw me, and calle dme over." You can imagine how this gal dealt with being hauled over to the weyr's Leadership all of a sudden."

Hyrlon chuckles, nearly choking on the chunk of bread he'd just eaten. Swallowing hastily he smiles, "They just called you over? I'm sorry, that must have been terrifying." He takes a sip of cider to clear his mouth, then grins, "Still, at least they didn't ask if the whers had attacked anyone yet."

Janelle shakes her head a little, grinning quietly, "I did my best to be sure I didn't faint." She promises. Even if she wasn't terribly verbal at the start. "I told her we hoped to quell the fear of our bonded beasts.. she thought it was an idea for the smaller cotholds.. I got no response, when I tried to tell her there would be some classes starting right here, in the weyr."

Hyrlon nods, taking another sip of his cider, "That's good. We can work up to eloquence later." He chuckles and winks at her, "Still, it's good that they're supportive of our education initiative…" Those 5 mark words must have come out of some management training manual because he then chuckles loudly, "I'm sure she was just busy."

Janelle nods a little, falling silent for a few moments, as she finishes the food in her hand, and sips lightly at the cider. Lips part, but instead of chewing, she lets out a soft sigh, willing herself to relax after relating her tale of meeting Niva.

Hyrlon switches his cider from one hand to the other so that he can wrap his arm over her shoulders and smiles, "It'll be fine. We'll show the whole Weyr how safe and well trained our whers are."

Janelle ndos slightly, and half-heartedly grins, "First the weyr, then all of Pern." She is, of course, only teasing.

Hyrlon grins and nods, raising his glass in the air, "All of Pern!" He… could be joking…

Janelle can't help but giggle, leaning herself into the crook of his arm, quite comforted. "How about you, what've you been up to lately?"

Hyrlon grins, holding her gently to him, "Work, mostly… running Hysk through the obstacle course and doing yield paperwork… reading some."

"Reading? As in, spare time reading, for enjoyment?" Janelle just wants to clarify here, "Temebrous has left the weyr.. Left Stormhaven, too.." Her words dip, evident to the sadness she feels for this.

Hyrlon nods, "Yeah, just some o- wait, what?" He sets his cider on the ground, wrapping his other arm around her as well and hugging her tightly, "He left? For good? Did he leave a note?"

Janelle Shrugs a little, "Said he'd given his master his knots.. I don't know if he's officially resigned.. He came to see me for a short visit, then was gone again.." she rests her head on Hyrlon's shouler quietly. "I'd gone to visit at Stormhaven, and found it empty.. I left a note for him to come see me when he returned.. it took almost a month, before he came."

Hyrlon holds her tightly against him, "I'm sorry, hon… I know his friendship was important to you. I'm sure he'll at least come back and visit… did he say why?"

Janelle nods a little, "He did.. but he doesn't want it shared." She turns her head now, to look up at Hyrlong, "I'm sorry, Hyr. but I promised I wouldn't say. He did say he'd come and visit, from time to time.. and when things settled ab it, he be sure I knew. He has two firelizards now, they've been learning me, and Jansk, and our den.. He does hope the absolute best for us, you and I. I.. didn't get to tell him about the project, though."

Hyrlon nods, still holding her against him, "I just wanted to know that you knew. You know him a lot better than me. I'm sure he'll keep supporting you no matter where he goes, he seemed to like you a lot." He smiles softly, "If he went through that much effort he'll at least keep you up to date."

Janelle nods slowly, "I do know, and I can't blame him." she's quiet on the subject now, for a few moments, while she chews on a piece of bread, chasing it with a sip of cider.

Hyrlon nods slowly in return, "People move around a lot now that thread's gone… I… so… yeah, I've been reading some old Earth books I managed to get my hands on… they're… really different."

Janelle nods a little, "They'd be old.. What were things like, back then? Back there?"

Hyrlon chuckles softly, "Near as I can tell? The dragons on earth were evil and liked to burn down villages, so they were killed." Clearly, he's been reading the wrong books.

Janelle shivers slightly, "Twisted people.. Dragons help protect us.. everyone knows that.." Even if most don't believe it of their wher-cousins. "Do you ever wish you could have lived back then, on Earth, or come with the Ancients?"

Hyrlon ponders her statements and questions for a long moment before he sighs softly, "Honestly? Not that far back, but I wonder what it would have been like to live when thread still fell, when dragons and whers were put to more uses and had more duties…"

Janelle nods a little, "I can understand wondering about that.. I don't know that I'd like to live with that fear, with Thread.." she admits. Then she tilts her head. "Do you think.. with all these oddities happening in nature.. the changing currents, the shakes.. The dragons learning to flame again.. Are you ever worried, what if everyone's wrong, and Thread is going to come back?"

Hyrlon nods solemnly, "I do… our hold harper taught us old, old songs… and some of the events of the last turn really seem like indicators of thread's return. The fires, the earthquakes… they're all mentioned… And with Search and Rescue working more heavily with firestone, I can't help thinking that the Weyrleader's worried about it as well…"

Janelle nods a little, "I think it has something to do with whatever he and the weyrwoman want us to do.. I just wish I knew what it was they wanted!"

Hyrlon tightens his arms around her for a moment and nods, "We'll know when we know… we're wherhandlers now, we know that we may have to face danger to save or protect others."

Janelle nods a little, "Aye, that we do." And she's quite happy with that.. Just not people planning things for them, and not telling them everything involved. "We can handle it, no matter what they throw our way."

Hyrlon nods, his hold tightening again, "We can. more often than not we don't know we're going to be needed until someone's already in great danger, so at least we know we might be working soon…"

Janelle sniffles a little, nuzzling her head back down against his shoulder. "I'm glad I've got you, Hyrlon.. Thank you."

Hyrlon hesitates momentarily, then moves his hand up to rest gently against her head, "Thank /you/ Janelle… for putting up with the world for me." He smiles, then kisses her gently on the top of her head.

Janelle laughs gently, grinning her appreciation. She leand sup to kiss gently at his cheek in turn.

Hyrlon smiles softly as she kisses him, "What about you? Find a hobby yet?"

Janelle shakes her head a bit, and chuckles. "Not really, no. Most o fmy free time have been working on my project, and stuff."

Hyrlon grins at her, "And how's that going? Got your lesson plan all figured out?"

Janelle nods a little, "Decided that there will -deffinitely- be colouring involved."

Hyrlon chuckles, grinning even bigger, "Good. Kids love coloring. Or clay… the older kids could make little clay whers."

Janelle sniffs briefly, "I don't htink I'm ready to have to clean up the clay yet.. We're working with five-turn-old kids, here." She winks, though, with a grin to boot.

Hyrlon chuckles softly, "Okay, true… so, when you're working with the 10 turn olds, then. Clay." he nods solemnly, "You get a date set yet? I wouldn't want to miss it."

Janelle shakes her head softly, "Nothing solid. I'll be sure you know, though, when I do."

Hyrlon smiles, giving her a gentle squeeze, "Good. You're doing something no one has done before. I want to take notes." he leaves off, and watch the most important woman in my life do what she loves best.

Janelle grins a little, "Isn't that what harpers are for?" she teases gently, before reaching out for more redfruit and cheese.

Hyrlon sips at his reacquired cider and grins, "Harpers take different kinds of notes. If other wherhandlers want to teach your class, they'll need a miner's perspective."

Janelle nods a little, "True enough, Isuppose.. and I can't very well take notes on myself, now can I?"

Hyrlon chuckles, "Nope… and I don't trust harpers not to just write a song about it…"

Janelle snorts. Riiight, a song about the shy minergirl, that decided to put herself into the most public of situations ever: teaching.

Hyrlon chuckles, sensing some of her line of thought, "They'd probably call it a great ballad of survival against insurmountable odds: children!"

Janelle grins, nodding. "You sound like I'm planning to do the absolute impossible, Hyrlon. And probably not helpin gmy nerves one bit, either." she teases.

Hyrlon grins, squeezing her back to him, "Harpers are dramatic, what can I say? I think you'll do fine. You might even enjoy it."

Janelle mmhmms, "And I know that Jansk will.. I'm sure she'll get all sorts of attention, and new frieds out of the deal."

Hyrlon chuckles softly, glancing up to where the whers are still playing, "Jansk could make friends with a whersport, I think."

Janelle grins, nodding, "Or a rock, if she really tried." Hey, it could save some sun for her! "Tell me more about these Earth books."

Hyrlon chuckles, "She probably could at that." He nods, then ponders her question, "They write really differently than us… and seem to like calling dragons 'fantasy'."

Janelle oh's a little, "Have you read anything that wasn't about a dragon?"

Hyrlon nods and smiles, "I tried… but I couldn't figure out what a whale was… or why it mattered that it was white…"

Janelle laughs a little, nodding a bit. "oh, my. They must've had quite the imaginations, back then.. Did this whale creature walk on its two legs? or did it have four, like a canine?"

Hyrlon chuckles, "Well… this Ishmael guy was on a boat… so maybe it swam like a shipfish…."

Janelle aahs briefly, noding. "or maybe that's what they called shipfish, there."

Hyrlon ponders that for a moment, "Maybe… but I've never seen a white shipfish… and they were /hunting/ this whale thing…"

Janelle blinks a little, "They'd have to be wrong in the head, to hunt a shipfish." agrees Janelle. "Maybe, if you're done with this story, I could borrow it, and read it fo rmyself?"

Hyrlon shrugs, "It's in my den on one of those portable reader things. I can lend you the whole thing if you want… it was like trying to talk to a firelizard…"

Janelle nods a litle, "That'd be nice, thank you.." she grins.

Hyrlon grins, "I'm in the middle of this fascinating one about a space explorer… something about a face on Mars. It must be fantasy… planets don't have faces."

"Space?" Janelle intones briefly, "Ever wish you could og out there?" isn't she just full of questions today?

Hyrlon shrugs, "I like Pern… it might be cool to go up to the yoko some time, though. Morl says the view is breathtaking."

Janelle nods a little, "I've heard a little about the Yoko.. I once knew someone who'd been up there. They didn't say a lot about it, but that it was amazing."

Hyrlon nods and smiles, "Well, if I ask nice Morl might be willing to take us up."

Janelle would jump a little, if she wasn't trying hard to stay where she is. "I'd like that.. But don't want to cause your brother any issues.."

Hyrlon chuckles softly, "He has free days like everyone else… just a matter of waiting for ours to like up with his but not his girlfriend's."

Janelle grins a little, "Aye.. and he has a girlfriend.. that I'd rather not get in the way of.. Or take up his time for his own hobbies.." Or, in otherwise, impose in any way however.

Hyrlon chuckles softly, "You worry to much. I'll ask. If he can't, he can't."

Janelle Grins, "That's who I am, Hyrlon, take it or leave it." And she knows he'll take it, so the sentiment is apparantly more a jest than anything.

Hyrlon squeezes her tight again, just leaning against a tree, really, and chuckles, "You know I love it… just let me make things happen once and a while, eh?"

There's a tray of redfruit slices, cheese and bread, and the two handlers are sipping at slowly-cooling cider. The two whers are playing, not far off. Janelle grins a little, and nods, "I'll try."

Towards the edge of the clearing, there's a brief rustling of leaves, perhaps as an announcement before Tenebrous bleeds into view, melting out of the fores titself. The time of day allows his hood to rest back against his long coat rather than be pulled low on his face, and Truth and Reconciliation rest on his shoulders, their heads up and alert, bodies still. They don't even trill to Janelle or Hyrlon as he slowly makes his way over to them, raising a hand in solem greeting. "Good evening. MOrning…whatever. Am I interrupting?"

Hysk glances briefly up from his play to chirp at Tenebrous, then returns to his fun. Hyrlon smiles at Janelle, then his ear catches the sound of approaching Tenebrous and he glances up and smiles, "Morning for us, evening for the rest of Pern and no… we were just chatting."

Janelle looks up, first at the leaves as they shift quietly, then as Tenebrous and his winged girls come into view. At the same time, Jansk also looks towards the once-healer, chittering a happy greeting towards him, but id quickly pulled back into play with Hysk. Jan grins, lifting a hand to wave welcomingly, "Not at all.. Come, sit?"

Tenebrous smiles briefly at the two Whers when they play, something very close to envy flickering across his features before turning back to the two handlers. "I wish I could stay, but I can't. I actually just came to say goodbye." He shifts a little and, at an unspoken command, the two flits on his shoulders flap away from him and over to an unoffending treebranch. "I didn'twant you to hear the news from soeone else…"

Hyrlon frowns just a little, noticing his look, "Good-bye? You sure you don't want at least a slice of redfruit while you talk?"

Janelle's smile fades slowly, struggling to her feet, stepping towards Tenebrous, "So you decided to do it, did you?"

Tenebrous nods slowly. "I had to," he saysa quietly to her, raising his hands up to rest on her shoulders. "It's not about you…" Those shoulders get a little squeeze. "You need to understand that, ok? It's just…something that needs to be done right now." Then he glances over her shoulder at Hyrlon. "I surrendered my Weyrknot this morning," he calls quietly.

Hyrlon nods, standing slowly as well, "You're going back to being a wandering healer? I… keep in touch?"

Janelle nods gently, "I know it's not me.. And I know how important it is to you." She glances back towards Hyrlon, half to ensure he's alright, half just to make sure he's still there. "Are you going back to Ista?" she intones, looking back towards her friend. "You'll b emissed, Tenebrous.. But.." She swallows briefly, "I"m happy for you, if you find relief in this."

Tenebrous shakes his head a little. "Probably not so much with the healing as with the wandering. I've put a lot of thought into resigning my commission as well, but I'm still up in the air on that." He looks back to Janelle. "I don't know if this will fix what needs fixing, but it's the only thing I can think to do." He fixes Janelle with a firm gaze. "You I will come back for," he promises quietly. "The first thaw isn't far off, and I will take you places…to Rubicon, as promised, among others."

Hyrlon nods, still a tad solemn, and moves towards Janelle for support, though he lets Tenebrous keep her for the moment, "You have to live your life." He listens carefully to the interchange between them, but stays silent, this really was their moment.

Janelle nods a little, then suddenly blurts: "I've decided on my project.. I'm teaching folks about whers." Yes, this shy girl is about to step out on teaching, "Maybe my travels with that, will let our paths continue to cross eachother."

Tenebrous smiles wryly at Hyrlon. "Living my life is what got me in troubel in the first place, but I take your meaning." He looks back to Janelle with a wide smile. "That," he murmurs, "Is fantastic. I can't think of a better person for the job." He pulls the girl into a close hug, offering a tight squeeze. "The mines of this place were too small a space to contain your potential, Janelle," he murmurs into her ear. "You do well." That hug is released and he leans in to kiss her forehead. "I love you very much." Then he smiles at Hyrlon. "You take care of yourself. Sir." He grins.

Hyrlon nods to Tenebrous, "It's never an easy thing." He watches their interplay, keeping a careful rein on his own emotions. He /knows/ he shouldn't be upset by their intimacy. When he's spoken to again, he nods again, getting a tad repetitive, "I will, Fetch."

Janelle wraps her arms around her friend tightly, "You make sure Cila and Truth keep me posted, alright?" she steps back, however, again glancing back towards Hyrlon briefly, grinning at the interplay between the two men she cares for. As she back, however, is up against Hyr's shoulder, quite ready for him to wrap his arm back around her the way he does. "You were one of my first close friends, Tenebrous.. and you always will be."

Tenebrous smiles warmly, inclining his head. "Then I am honored about all men." He shoots Hyrlon a sly look. "Except maybe you." Then he looks back at Janelle, brings a finger up to his lips in a 'Shhh…' motion, and starts away. A curious little gesture of one hand has his two flits streaking over to his shoulder, and a moment late,r he bleeds back into the forest, vanishing from sight.

Hyrlon half-smiles at Tenebrous' comment, then Janelle's against his chest and he moves his arms to cradle her again, nodding one last goodbye to Tenebrous, "Stay safe."

Janelle Watches silently, her form melding in against Hyrlon's welcoming form as one moment Tene is there, and the next he is not. A heavy sigh pushes its way between parted lips.

Hyrlon sighs as well, if not as heavily, holding her against him, "Poor guy… moving his whole life around…"

Janelle nods a little, eyes fixed on where he disappeared. "What he needs righ tnow, is exactly what has torn him like it has." She turns, now, to face Hyr mor ecompletely, 'I hope.. I'm sorry if that was strange for you.."

Hyrlon kisses Janelle gently on the back of her head, "That does happen… especially with women…" He's grasping, but it's not an un-reasonable guess. When she turns to face him he pulls her in to a tight hug, "It doesn't bother me that you two or close… doesn't stop it from catching me off guard, but I don't mind."

Janelle grins a little, "It's nothing like you and I.. and never has, nor will be.. He respects you far too much.. And neither of us would want to complicate it." She reaches up to kiss Hyr's cheek gently again, "Thank you."

Hyrlon smiles, still holding her to him, "I know… but it's good to hear none-the-less…" He shifts as she goes for his cheek, meeting her lips with his own, instead.

Janelle mms briefly, quite willing to allow for the change. Tihs time, however, as lips meet, sh emanages to kepe her eyes open, for once.

Hyrlon smiles as they part and sighs softly. In the distance, Hysk has stopped playing and started running towards the pair, chirruping oddly.

Janelle loops her arms around his waist, however Hysk's oddness, twisting to look, though not letting go. Jansk seems muhc more upset that she's lost her playmate, as she chitters at Hysk.

Hyrlon turns, looking quizzical as well as he watches his blue bound towards them. Hysk worms his way inbetween them and chirps at each as if to say 'my time'

Jansk slows before she reaches the others, chirruping, head cocked to one side. Janelle, however, slides her arms from around Hyrlon, and grins, crouching towards the whers, "Don't you worry, Hysk.. I think he's still got you in the number one spot."

Hyrlon crouches down next to Hysk and rubs his blobby head-knobs, "Don't worry, boy. You're still first in my heart."

Janelle rubs at Hysk's side, grinning, as Jansk comes nosing up for her own attentions.

Hysk emits a tiny 'and that's that' chirp, making Hyrlon chuckle softly, "But I like Janelle and Jansk too, Hysk." The blue gives a little murr, rubbing his head against Jansk.

Janelle chuckles softly, "So very true, I'm glad that Jansk doesn't seem to mind sharing my time." Both whers are getting her hands going now, though, one for each!

Hyrlon grins, watching Hysk happily submit himself to scritches and loving from 'his' girls, "I think it's because I was pining so long… he thinks I'm just going to get hurt… we'll have to show him otherwise, I think."

Janelle looks wryly back towards Hyrlon, grinning, "Pining, hmm?" Then to Hysk, she adds, "I"m sorry I caused your bond, here, so much pain then, but I promis eyou I have no intentions of letting him feel that again."

Hyrlon chuckles, "It's more my fault than yours… I /should/ have just talked to you about it ages ago…"

'If I wasn't so oblivious.." Janelle points out with a grin.

Hyrlon chuckles softly, "I wasn't exactly courting you, either."

Janelle shrugs a little, "It all worked out in the end, though, didn't it? I mean, it has so far in my view."

Hyrlon smiles and nods, "Definitely." He hugs her tight, "Most definitely."

Janelle grins softly. "Y'know.. give us a few more Turns, and this could be a view of our happy little family." Cause, of course, she's no where near ready to say that it's there now, just yet.

Hyrlon chuckles softly, "In a turn or two, yeah… then we'll have to have you meet my mother." He shudders softly, "She'll try to fatten you up so you can't get away."

Janelle lifts a brow, but grins, "She of a mind I'd want to run a way from her little boy?" she teases, poking gently at his ribs.

Hyrlon chuckles and nods, "She thinks it's the only way any of us'll keep a partner."

Janelle laughs gently. "Wouldn't be so fit for working though, would it?" Though, maybe teaching..

Hyrlon chuckles, "Nope, adn I don't think I need to make you stay. I think you'll stay all on your own if you truly want to."

Janelle Grins, nodding, "Exactly. I have absolutely no plans on going anywhere, any time soon."

Hyrlon smiles, "Good… well, maybe to work soon… when's your shift?"

Janelle shrugs a little bit, and lightly bats at Hyrlon's shoulder, "You know that's not what I meant.. but, do you think that they'd say something, if I didn't show up today?" Somethin gin her voice implies teasing, but… then again.. maybe it doesn't.

Hyrlon smiles, "Probably, Jansk and Hysk are the only whers on their shifts… Tisk and Vensk are still catching up some, from what I've heard… and the whers /are/ important…"

Janelle grins a little, winking softly, "Even if it's a rest day for us?" Then she laughs, clear and warm, out of the blue. "No, we aren't actually on shift tonight. But.. are they really? Tisk and Vensk?"

Hyrlon shrugs, "I'm not sure… I just know they're scheduled together on the same shift while Hysk and Jansk are on their own… You've got a rest day? Lucky."

Janelle nods a little, "WEll.. not so much a rest day, as having time to schedule a class for the littles. Once that's done, I'm supposed to come by for the rest of the night.. I should be in by midnight, at the latest."

Hyrlon nods, "Journeyman's projects do get you a bit more leeway often… I wish you luck getting that scheduled."

Janelle nods a little. "What about you, what time you have to be in?"

Hyrlon checks the position of the sun and sighs softly, "About an hour?"

Janelle nods a slight bit. She sighs softly, resting her head against Hyrlon's shoulder, where thye've ended up the ground, whers sort of flopped about them. Jan's still taking turns scritching between the two of them.

Hyrlon leans in against her as well, sighing softly, "I can't wait for you to advance."

Janelle Girns softly, "You can.. and we will wait.. Don't know if it's right or not, but I think it'll help us grow stronger together."

Hyrlon nods and smiles, "You're right… I can… I just don't want to

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