A Bit of the Weyrsecond's Past

Xanadu Weyr - Weyrsecond and Jr Weyrwomans' Office

Office or study? Perhaps this room is a little of both. It is spacious and airy with the big windows opposite the door looking northwards, a perfect aspect when one is this far south. Those windows are framed by dark forest green drapes, soft ribbons and braid in dark, rich gold sewn along the edges to give them a sumptuous look. The back wall is covered by shelves that hold a variety of things - mostly records and reference material as well as writing tools and sheets of hide and paper. Tapestries, including several lovely scenes of the terrain around Xanadu Weyr, cover the rest of the wall-space while a soft, plain off-white rug hides the stone floor. A small, low table sits by the door and usually has some refreshment set out on it.

Several broad desks are arranged around the room, each one set so someone sitting at it doesn't look directly at any of the others. Small screens can be set up on each desk to give a little more privacy and each has one comfortable chair that goes with it. So far, it looks like one desk has a permanent claimant. There are also several other chairs, which can be used by visitors.

Morning has almost past by the time D'had finds his way into the office, boots half tied, shirt untucked. The door frame proves a formidable foe as he bumps a shoulder into it on his way through, muttering something not even halfway pleasant under his breath. When he finally makes it to his desk he sits, falling unceremoniously into the chair, crossing his arms on the top of the desk and letting his head drop down onto them.

And upon that desk the Weyrsecond is pillowing his head on is a single mug of steaming liquid has been placed. Someone has apparently seen or heard (likely heard) his irritable approach. Thea is at her desk at the moment, working on some sort of records, copying data from several forms onto one sheet. The awkward entrance of D'had doesn't draw more than a mild, "Morning Weyrsecond." There is not one trace of amusement on the junior's face this morning. "You feeling alright?"

D'had hadn't bothered to actually look and see who might be in the room when he entered, nor did he look all so closely at the desk. Mutter mutter. But then the scent of that drink has him stirring, lifting his head, though its something he regrets as soon as its done by the look that crosses his face. "Like shit," he replies, reaching for the mug.

"Sorry to hear that," Thea says quietly. Apparently hadn't expected to really get an answer. She bends to her work, one glance up at him before back down to her desk. "Willowbark tea. Should help with the headache." Her pen scratches busily, until she suddenly remembers, "Might be a little bitter." Might have warned him before he took a sip?

That warning comes seconds too late, the man having already put mug to lips and taken a long drink. Its swallowed at least though he does make a face for the taste. "Could have warned me sooner," D'had mutters in reply. Wait just a minute. That means.. she put that there. Or at least she knows who did. Dark eyes turn from drink to the junior. "You weren't around last night?" he asks warily. Please say no!

Thea's already pushing her chair back as he's sipping, "Wait, wait." She strides over to the low table by the door, grabs the small jar of sweetner and a spoon, returning to his desk with it. "Here." The two are plunked on his desk within reach. "Sorry, forgot." Ah, he's asking questions. She returns his gaze uncertainly, silent for a beat. She sinks down into one of the chairs by his desk. "Uh, why do you ask?"

… "Thanks," the word falls after the sweetener is shared. Donn sets down the mug in hand to lift a few spoonfuls of the sweetener into it before giving it a stir. "Cause if I feel like this … " Well that goes unsaid. "Bad couple days." he attempts as an excuse and explanation all in one.

Hmm. He doesn't seem too upset? Likely he's going to hear anyway. Thea looks up from studying her hands, "Yeah I was there." A quick nod of her head to that. "Walked you home." She is silent for a breath, then, "Were they?" A look at his obvious discomfort and disheveled appearance, and she hesitates before asking," And this helped?" No sarcasm, just wanting to know.

D'had's reaction is a grimace that he attempts to hide by testing the now sweetened tea. Still not great, says the expression that crosses his face, but could be worse. "Say anything I shouldn't?" he inquires, covering the bases.

Thea tilts her head at him a casual look that seems to weigh and measure her options before she answers, "I see the irony of this. You are so at my mercy, you know that?' Her sober expression is lost as she's grinning at him, "I could say anything." She doesn't answer his question, "I think I'll hold it over your head for awhile. Step out of line…" She smirks.

D'had is not amused. If he were in her place he most certainly would be, but he's not and so he's anything but. Sending her a hard look he settles for sipping at the tea once more. "Sorry babe," he mutters, lowering his head back to the desk, resting it on one arm while the other still holds the mug even though it's resting on the desk.

Thea mutters to herself, "Well you told me I was too serious! Just trying to lighten up a little." There's just a bit of sulk in her voice before she sighs, answering quietly, "No you didn't say anything you shouldn't have." She blinks at the apology, "Nothing to be sorry for." There's a concerned peek at him as she leans down to see if she can see under his arm, "Why are you even here if you can't work?" Totally baffled is she.

D'had doesn't say anything for a long moment. "Good," he replies curtly, his voice low least anything he say make his head start pounding again. Another moment passes before he answers her question, "Supposed ta be here ain't I?" Forget the fact he doesn't have the brain power for actually working at the moment. Beat. "And I don't feel like layin there." There could easily be assumed to be his couch.

"You know what?" Thea rises smoothly and turns towards her desk, "I'll be over there if you decide to be civil. I didn't make you drink yourself mindless, so please don't take it out on me." Her voice is firm as she says it, but underlying the words is a tremor of pain.

D'had makes a noise that can only be assumed to be a response of having heard what was said and nothing more. The only other movement from him is to turn his head in effort to more fully hide his face from the light in the room.

Seryth senses that Siebith presses gently, waves lapping quietly against her mind, nudging for a response. « She will listen? »

Siebith senses that Seryth sends the cool rains of spring, « She will listen to me. She is leaning on me now.» There is the distinct sense that she had been leaning on the strength of another, at least in part, until recently.

Thea is walking towards her desk, but the noise the Weyrsecond makes has her turning her head to look over her shoulder at him. Something about the way he's holding his head… With a sigh she steps over to the door, pulling it closed gently, then flips the switch, turning the lights off. The drapes are her next target as she strides over to twitch the heavy drapes closed shutting out the light. Back to his side, she kneels down beside him asking quietly, "Let me get a healer to bring you something better for that?"

D'had mutters something unintelligible, though it could easily be taken as a form of thanks for the diminished lighting. "No," he replies, still mumbling though there's a force behind the word that makes it firm. "No," he repeats without the harshness behind it, "Did it, I'll deal." Its the punishment he gave himself and like it or not he'll suffer.

Thea nods, "Alright, but…" She reaches for one of his hands, attempting to snag it of she can. "Come," if she gets his hand, a gentle tug towards the couch, "I think I can help a little? Something my ma taught me."

That requires moving though. Not something D'had is exactly thrilled about right at the moment, though he does give into that gentle tug, rising to his feet to let her lead him towards the couch.

And when there, Thea guides him to the edge of the couch, "Lie down and don't move. Hang on." She steps to her desk, there is the sound of a drawer opening and closing. Seconds later she is back, a small chair in tow. This is placed near the arm of the couch where his head is and she sits, Opening the jar and places it on the side-table with a small click. There is the smell of mint, rosemary, some pungent herbs smelling of northern forests. Cool fingers touch his temples feather-light and she rubs the gel there with tiny circular movements, talking soothingly, "Just try to relax, breathe slowly through your nose, let your stomach relax, and your neck, too."

D'had casts a glance, half veiled by eyelids, towards the sounds at her desk, but soon he's letting them drift all the way shut. Relax is easier said than done and it seems at first that he tenses more at her touch. That seems to fade after a moment though as he forces a cycle of long, deep breaths. Relaxation seems to come, but that too only lasts so long before he twitches, that sudden jolt seems to always comes with waking from a nightmare.

Thea's fingers still at that twitch, "Too hard?" Her fingers lighten more, if at all possible, moving to dip once more in the jar, then to the base of his neck. "Why do you do this to yourself? It hardly seems worth it to me." Not judging, just curious.

Any and all relaxing that had taken place is undone with that one movement. D'had's eyes flash open seconds later and he's left staring up at her. Something about the look hidden in the coffee colored depths… sadness, loss, fear. "No," he answers, shifting his gaze towards the wall but keeping them open.

Thea is watching him as his eyes open so the expression in his eyes hits her full-on. Her fingers stop once again and remain still for a long pause before resuming, "Tell me about Tailea." It's said casually, coming out in a barely-there voice as she continues working, her fingers move up to the base of his skull, working at the points there just under his hair.

D'had lets out a held breath in a long, slow sigh. He doesn't say anything. But where he's silent Siebith is there to pick up. He hasn't shared yet, but now it seems almost as if he was given permission to do just that as D'had lets his eyes drift closed once again. The image flowing from one to the other. Since he can that way it seems, to him, it might be easier than actually speaking the words.

The beach stands in the background. A ship in the foreground. Not so small as the skiff that was wreaked not so very long ago, but something still small enough to be easily enough manned by one or two knowledgeable people. The sun shines brightly, but far off in the distance a line of silver hangs hidden on the horizon. The view is from the deck of the vessel a young woman with long blonde hair leans against the rail. She can't be more than seventeen or eighteen. She turns a bright smile over her shoulder.

The scene breaks there and when it picks up the sky has darkened, the shoreline shifted, the waves larger and suddenly everything is flipped and turned. Water rushes around and over and all direction is lost. Suffocating. Dragged in the direction that can only be assumed down.

The surface is found, broken, a breath gasped. Everything is nothing more than a frantic glance. Searching for something that's not found before the waves push back down. Barely visible through churning waters is a glimpse of blonde. Lack of air doesn't seem to matter. A hand reaches for hers.

The last image is something Seryth has see before. Two women, one overlaid over the top of the other. One dark headed, one light. Each has their own features though its hard to distinguish one from the other. The pale green of the eyes of both are stark against the fuzziness of the rest of the picture. In that one feature the same.

Thea's fingers tighten suddenly, breaking the slow gentle cycle of movement. They relax almost instantly but remain still for long moments for along while the pictures related by Siebith and Seryth comes with waves of the emotions felt long ago. She doesn't cry out, but a small moan escapes her lips. She rises from the chair, moves around to the side of the couch, where she kneels beside the Weyrsecond who is lying there, "D'had." She reaches a hand to rest her palm against his cheek, trying to turn his face towards her. "D'had, look at me."

D'had resists that movement at first, but he does given in in the end, slowly turning his head towards her. His eyes remain close for a moment longer before he finally relents to opening them to look at her.

Thea waits until D'had meets her eyes, "If I remind you so much of her, I can go. Ask for a transfer.." She's trying to keep it under control, manages to keep her voice from trembling, but cannot quite manage to keep her eyes dry. "I'm sorry, I-" She swallows, continuing, "If I'd known, I'd never have asked you to take me out in that skiff."

D'had tries to sit up, but that proves to be a bad idea with his head so he lays back, still holding to her hand. "No," he replies quietly, "I went," he replies. "You didn't make me." Beat. "I'm glad I did."

"Glad? Why is that?" Thea's eyes remain on his, seeking answers, almost afraid to ask them. "It seems to have upset you more than I realized." She squeezes his hand, tugging gently at it to emphasize her point, "Siebith sent Seryth these pictures… and said you felt drowned?" Combining several communications, confused no doubt.

"I hate ta think what mighta happened if I wasn't," D'had is reluctant to say, though he does so with a quirk of a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. He squeezes back. "There's more to that picture though," he points out.

Thea smiles back a tentative curve in response to his, "Me too." Perhaps she might say more on that, but his current ordeal is far more important to her, "You know, I'm sure Siebith could make things easier for you and pull things from your mind, but I don't think he can interpret it all because he can't understand it all." In her eyes there is a wistful expression, "Can't you talk to me?"

D'had nods slowly. He understands what she's saying, yes. "I can try," he offers. "Just… well haven't talked about it before." As if that hadn't been clear enough to begin with.

Thea shifts to turn and sit beside him on the floor, resting her head near his shoulder. Maybe hoping it will be easier for him if he doesn't have to look at her. "Perhaps that might be why you're having such a hard time now?" Thea suggests gently with another encouraging squeeze to his hand. "So you went sailing…" A prompt to help him get started?

"Yeah.." D'had replies reluctantly. "Family was in port and we took one of the boats out." He pauses, swallowing and wetting his lips. The words are all there on the tip of his tongue, its just saying them that's the hard part. "We were gonna go ta this cove on the other side of the island I'd found the day before." All this he remembers, but he can't remember a simple name…

Thea nods encouragement, "And so you went out…" She's recalling the pictures, "And a storm came up?" She keeps her voice quiet so there is no jarring his headache, "Was it an accident like the one we had?"

D'had is laid up on the couch talking about his past. At lest he's not talking to a mindhealer.. "Shoulda seen it comin'," he comments "But she was so excited and I didn't think it be that bad. Caught me off guard, took a wave wrong and it went over."

And Thea planned it this way, bwaha! Wait until he gets the bill. There's another nod, and from where her head rests she murmurs, "She… didn't survive it, did she?" She raises her head to search his eyes, "You blamed yourself?"

"No," D'had replies, the word hanging in his throat. "Nearly didn't myself," he admits. And that perhaps is the part that gets him the most. That he made it and she didn't.

"So all these years…" Thea's eyes flicker over his face, understanding for so many things that she had accepted about him without needing to know the whys click into place. She doesn't argue whether it was his fault or not, whether he should have died as well or not. Without saying a word she reaches for one of his hands, hold it in both of hers. Her eyes shift to meet his as she turns his hand palm up. One brow lifts questioningly.

D'had lets is eyes close, though they don't stay that way long. "So yeah," he agrees. "That's what happened," he finishes. Nothing more to say in that story. Least nothing more that he's letting on to.

For a long period of time Thea just sits silently thinking, a troubled look upon her face. There was no response to her wordless suggestion he release the past. Finally, carefully, "It isn't Tailea you haven't released, is it?" She manages to keep her voice steady, "You feel as if you killed her and so because of this you should have died?" She holds her breath, wincing, not wanting to cause him further pain, but a wound allowed to fester will never heal.

D'had doesn't want to look at her, but the easiest way to do that just now is close his eyes and that he can't bring himself to do. He swallows hard, a pained expression crossing his face along with a slight frown. "I.. I'm sorry.."

Siebith senses that Seryth reaches out within the confusion of a sudden downburst brought with a summer storm, her communication is chaotic, tumbled « Mine thinks yours has lost himself. She thinks he is not well. She will go to the healers for help. She doesn't know who else to turn to. »

Thea's face is beginning to show the strain of all of this, her features beginning to take on a hint of alarm. "I'm not Tailea," She says softly, "But if it helps, I think she'd know you did all you could to save her. I don't think she'd want you hating yourself. I know I wouldn't have." There's a moment when she almost pulls away to find someone, anyone to help. Instead she hesitates and stays, but silent tears gather in her eyes, which are beginning to show real fear for him, only to escape and roll slowly down her face.

D'had pushes himself up to sit, there's a wince as his head spins. Still hung over despite the sobering mood of the room and sudden movement is not a good idea. "Didn't mean t’make you part of this," he comments, reaching to hold both her hands in his. Its when those tears start and he feels her begin to pull away that he releases one hand to attempt to wrap an arm around her shoulders, pull her closer. "It helps," he replies, "It helps. Wasn't something I'd had ta think about in a long time, but when you…" he chokes.

Seryth senses that Siebith tries to sort the chaos and find a clear path on which to return. « He has found yours. »

Thea's hands grip his for a moment, she's searching his eyes to be sure he's really in touch with the here and now, she's that uncertain. "I- I thought you were saying sorry to her for not saving her-" Yes, she's that confused. As she is pulled close, her eyes never leave his, "I don't mind, I-" His choking has her leaning in to rest a cheek against his and she waits for him to finish. "When I?" Not a mindhealer and apparently not a mindreader.

"In that storm," D'had pushes himself to say. There's a momentary pause for a deep breath. "For a minute I thought I lost you too." Really he shouldn't need to have to be holding on Thea quite as tightly as he is now. Not squeezing too hard, but tight enough that it just might be uncomfortable.

Thea isn't minding uncomfortable at this point. He's making sense to her now. Her arms encircle him, giving comfort if she at all can. "S-so it brought it all back for you, didn't it?" Her voice is as calm as it has been throughout all of this. "That why you went off to the island? Got drunk? Because all that was in your head?" Her cheek is still against his so he doesn't have to look at her if he doesn't want to.

"Yeah..," D'had replies without any further explanation, but then its not truly needed either. He lets out a heavy sigh along with the word, letting his chin rest on her shoulder. "Give it a couple days, I'll be alright." That right there is said as a promise.

Siebith senses that Seryth speaks from within a shower of droplets shot through with Rukbat's rays - all the colors are in it, « This is good then. » There is a pause, then a sparkle of diamond points, rain fallen upon a garden kept lovingly and watered well, alight with the morning « And she is like this: » There is a golden-hazed fog that dissipates slowly to clarion sharpness.

Thea turns her head to rest in on his shoulder, nodding her understanding. "I'm glad." Those two words carry a wealth of relief, simple though they are, they apply to so much more than his promise he'll be alight. She doesn't really want to move, but from his shoulder she says, "You… really shouldn't be here in your condition." A soft laugh, "You're not getting a thing done!"

D'had gives her a squeeze before hands find shoulders to push her back to arm's length. "But you are," he replies with a chuckle, an amused smirk finding a place on his lips for her laugh.

Thea's lips curve in a grin that answers his smirk, "Am I really Weyrsecond? It is one of the more interesting parts of my job, I must admit." She leans forward until she is but a breath away, her eyes dancing with a bit of mischief so near his, "Not really what I'd call a perk, mind you, but certainly not boring."

Seryth senses that Siebith's waters are broken by the droplets, rings spreading across the surface before a wave crashes overhead. Darkness surrounds then, though not nearly so deep and menacing as it once was. Light above is more clearly viewed as Rukbat's rays. A hope that's more easily reached and far more clearly focused although the feeling of those uncharged depths remain they're not looked back to. « This is good. » Agreement touched with a question in regard to hers.

Siebith senses that Seryth returns the waters not so dark, the shimmer of the surface sunlit and within reach, « He will be well, mine is well » The clear unfogged picture of peaks with stately cedar trees against a brilliant azure backdrop is shared once more, « It is good. She is found. »

"You, my dear weyrwoman," D'had starts, leaning forward to close that short space between them and rest his forehead against hers. "Are most definitely a perk," he concludes turning in just such a way that he can press lips to hers. Might well still be the hangover talking, but then again…

"Am I." Not really a question. "I'll have to-" Whatever Thea was going to say is lost as he turns and she's not thinking clearly enough to say whatever it was anyway. There's one last flicker of a look at his dark eyes before her's slide closed and she's leaning in to close the space. Faranth help her if the other juniors return from lunch to find the office dark and the pair of them like this. She'll never hear the end of it.

He seems alone and silent; Thoughts remain without an answer.
Afraid and uninvited; He slowly drifts away.
Moved by desire and fear; Breaking delicate wings.

Lifting shadows 0ff a dream once broken;
She can turn a drop of water into an ocean.

As the rain is pouring down, tears of sorrow wash his mind.
Drifting with the current this stream of life flows on.
He seems alone and silent, waiting on his hands and knees;
The chill of winter’s darkness sits quietly.

Moved by desire and fear, he takes a few steps away.

Lifting shadows off a dream once broken;
She can turn a drop of water into an ocean.

He pours his soul into the water reflecting the mystery;
She carries him away and the winds die slowly.

And she listens openly,
And she listens openly.

Lifting shadows off a dream once broken;
She can turn a drop of water into an ocean.

Lifting shadows off a dream,
Lifting shadows off a dream.

-Dream Theater, "Lifting Shadows Off a Dream"

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